When we get into any relationship, we are very conscious, we put our best foot forward & we are eager to please. But with the passage of time, our unconscious part of the mind takes over. Our lifelong unconscious patterns kick in.
That is why there is that honeymoon period in every relationship – the time when one is conscious of self and the other - you smell the flowers, feel the wind, life appears beautiful and you are conscious of everything around you. But once that period is over and your unconscious or what we call the subconscious takes over. And since we continuously relate to the other person from the past honeymoon behaviour, we feel they have changed, not realizing that their patterns are not in their control. And if the other person is narcissistic or has patterns that impact our emotional well being, in due course it starts impacting our mental state.
When water hits the same place drop by drop, even a stone can be penetrated. Same way if you keep on carrying the same disturbing thoughts about a person, they become toxic & impact all areas of life i.e Health, relationship and even your career (money).
For our own healing & mental peace, one needs to cut off the cord i.e. break off the toxic relationship. It may sound easier than it actually is - as our mind loves familiarity and we are all driven by the fear of unknown and want to play safe no matter how painful the current situation has become for us. We wait and keep on trying to mend the relationship even though there is no fun or excitement left and the toxicity has become unbearable. It’s like a slow poison, and since the mind is used to the pain, it continues to stay with the familiar pain, hoping that one day things will change.
This constant pain is like a tumor in the body, you need to go through the painful surgery to remove it– a process that is very painful but its required for healing. And the healing starts immediately once the tumor is taken out of the body .
It’s the same with painful and toxic relationships too, initially there is acute pain – as mind keeps going back to the memories of the honeymoon period and keeps longing for them to come back. During this process the main unconscious fear of being alone again kicks in as we are not comfortable with our own company.
(This article is attributed to By Mr Neeraj Malik Emotional Wellness Coach & Mind Healer)
(Disclaimer: The opinions expressed in this article are those of the author. They do not reflect the views of India TV)