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  5. Battled suicidal thoughts incessantly in 2013 but my family kept me sane: Sreesanth

Battled suicidal thoughts incessantly in 2013 but my family kept me sane: Sreesanth

Sreesanth opened up on the days when he was afraid of the dark, afraid to step outside his room, faced difficulties in facing people, all of which led to depression and suicidal thoughts. 

India TV Sports Desk Written by: India TV Sports Desk
New Delhi Published on: June 21, 2020 16:54 IST
File image of S Sreesanth
Image Source : GETTY IMAGES

File image of S Sreesanth

Indian fast-bowler S Sreesanth on Saturday recalled the difficult times of life when he battled depression and suicidal thoughts incessantly in 2013. That was the year the bowler was allegedly involved in the IPL scandal along with two Rajasthan Royals cricketers Ajit Chandilia and Ankit Chavan. Two years later, Sreesanth was acquitted of all charges. 

Later in 2018, Sreesanth's life ban imposed by BCCI was revoked by Kerala High Court. The ban is now set to end in Se[tember this year and Kerala Cricket Association (KCA) has expressed their willingness to take back the pacer in their team. 

Talking to Deccan Herald, Sreesanth opened up on the days when he was afraid of the dark, afraid to step outside his room, faced difficulties in facing people, all of which led to depression and suicidal thoughts. 

“You know I was scared of the dark at one point. I couldn’t step out of the house and I didn’t let anyone step out of the house because I feared that I/ they would get kidnapped. I was in a deep depression at the time,” the bowler said.

“I had all these thoughts in my room but I couldn’t leave my room without a smile on my face because my parents would not have been able to handle it. I didn’t want to show my weakness to them. I was completely on my own in these moments, I was crying all the time trying to figure out where I went wrong and what happened to me. I was living this dual life and it was too much to handle.

“I was Sreesanth to the world and Gopu to the family, but in my room, I didn’t know what I was. That’s why I started discovering hobbies and working on them with a lot of seriousness,” he said.

The cricketer even added why the death of Bollywood actor Sushant Singh Rajput affected him badly. 

“It is something I battled with incessantly in 2013. It was there everywhere I turned, the easy way out, but my family kept me sane. I had to stick around for my family. I knew they needed me.”

“That’s why the news of Sushant Singh’s (Rajput) death affected me so much, besides the fact that he was a good friend. I was on that edge but I walked back because I knew how much it would hurt those who believe in me and love me,” he added.

“I am writing a small book, it should be out in a month or so, about this episode and about how you’re not lonely. And how if you are lonely, it’s not necessarily a bad thing because great things can come from this space of loneliness. These moments of loneliness can give you rare insights into your own being. That’s huge because people don’t appreciate who they are.

“I don’t like talking about this but there was a time when I was struggling to pay my bills. I didn’t know where my next meal would come from. That’s why I am so grateful for all the shows that hired me and trusted in me,” he further said.

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