In relationships, the matter of closure is always considered as the final chapter, in which one conversation, one reason, or one apology is sufficient in making everything right. After a breakup, people cling to the idea that if they just understand what went wrong, they’ll be able to move on.
But according to Archana Singhal, Counsellor and Family Therapist and Founder of Mindwell Counsel, this constant search for closure can quietly do more harm than good. “Closure feels comforting,” she says, “but when we chase it repeatedly, especially from another person, it can trap us emotionally instead of helping us heal.”
What closure usually looks like in relationships
In romantic relationships, closure often means wanting answers:
- Why did you change?
- Was it something I did?
- Did you ever really love me?
Singhal explains that people often seek validation, explanations or accountability from their partner to make sense of the loss. The problem is that relationships don’t always end neatly. Sometimes the other person avoids conversations, gives vague responses, or simply moves on.
“When your peace depends on someone else’s response, you hand over emotional control,” she explains.
How the need for closure keeps people stuck in the past
One of the highest emotional costs of seeking closure is rumination. The mind keeps replaying old conversations, imagining alternate endings, and analysing what could have been done differently. Instead of processing the breakup and moving forward, the person remains emotionally anchored to the past relationship. This can affect sleep, focus, work performance and even future relationships.
“It keeps people emotionally unavailable,” Singhal says. “They may physically move on, but mentally they’re still waiting for a conversation that may never happen.”
Emotional dependence disguised as ‘needing answers’
In relationships, closure often becomes a form of emotional dependence. When someone believes they cannot heal without hearing from their ex-partner, it weakens self-trust and self-worth. If the other person refuses responsibility, gives mixed signals or ignores attempts at conversation, it can deepen feelings of rejection and self-doubt. Over time, this pattern chips away at emotional confidence.
“This is where closure becomes damaging,” Singhal notes. “It stops being about understanding and starts being about seeking validation.”
Why social media makes it worse
Social media adds another layer to the closure trap. Witnessing an ex in a happy and successful place in life can be just what reopens the wound of curiosity. There’s a lot of pressure to “heal quickly” and to look emotionally sorted. This sets up unrealistic expectations in regard to relationships and the process of healing. They may feel like there’s something terribly wrong with them if they haven’t achieved a sense of peace yet.
In reality, healing has no fixed timeline.
What healthy closure really looks like
Singhal emphasises that healthier closure comes from within, not from another person. Internal closure involves accepting that some questions may never be answered and learning to sit with that discomfort. Journaling, mindfulness practices, therapy and honest self-reflection help people process unresolved emotions without depending on someone else’s response. This kind of closure focuses on emotional responsibility rather than emotional permission.
“Acceptance doesn’t mean approval,” she explains. “It means choosing not to let the past control your present.”
Closure is a process, not a conversation
One of the biggest misconceptions in relationships is that closure happens in a single moment. In reality, it unfolds slowly through boundaries, self-care and emotional growth. Forgiving doesn’t mean forgetting or justifying what happened. It means deciding not to carry the emotional weight forward into new relationships.
Wanting closure after a breakup is natural, but sometimes the real peace comes from letting go.
Also read: Too smooth, too cold? Psychology just decoded the ultimate dating red flags
