In your 20s, you believe love will conquer all. And sometimes, you give your everything to someone — your time, your energy, your dreams, your heart. I did that too. I spent more than seven years with a man I deeply loved. He wasn’t just a partner; he was a part of my every plan, every prayer, every ordinary day.
But sometimes, even when you love with all your heart, things don’t work out.
It’s not always about blame or betrayal. Sometimes, life pulls two people in different directions. And just like that, the person who was your everything becomes a memory — one that still lingers, even years later. I walked away from that chapter just as I turned 30. I didn’t run into someone new. I didn’t jump into another relationship. I chose solitude. I chose myself.
The Early Days of Being Alone
Initially, there was a kind of freedom in it. Waking up without waiting for a text, planning my weekends without checking with someone else, and rediscovering parts of myself that I had shelved for years. It felt empowering, even exciting at times. I explored, I healed, I grew.
But slowly, the quiet started feeling too loud. The silences after a long day, the empty side of the bed, the weekends that stretched on endlessly, they began to ache in a way I hadn’t expected.
When Loneliness Creeps In
Loneliness doesn’t always arrive with warning signs. It seeps in on a rainy afternoon, or when you’re sick and wish someone would hold your hand. It shows up when your friends are busy with their partners, when social media becomes a highlight reel of everyone else’s seemingly perfect lives, or when a song you once loved suddenly makes you tear up.
You begin to realise that strength and loneliness often coexist. That even when you’re independent, successful, and surrounded by people, there’s a part of you that quietly craves companionship. Not just someone to go out with, but someone who sees you, understands you, and chooses you.
But Life Still Goes On
Despite the ache, life moves forward. You wake up, go to work, chase your dreams, water your plants, text your friends, take yourself out on solo dates, and even laugh, genuinely laugh, at a stupid meme or a memory from your 20s.
And in those moments, you realise something profound: Even in the loneliness, you are living. Because this chapter, no matter how long it lasts, isn’t a punishment or a pause. It’s a part of your story. A chapter that’s teaching you how to love yourself fiercely, how to stand tall even when you feel small, and how to be your own safe space.
A Psychologist's Take on Loneliness in Women in Their 30s
When we spoke to Aarushi Kohli-Counseling Psychologist|Rehabilitation Therapist (RCI), regarding loneliness in 30s, she said, "We live in an age where we are more 'connected' than ever — to friends, family, work, and online communities. Yet, paradoxically, many feel more isolated than ever. There’s a silent epidemic emerging behind these polished pictures of connection and hustle. Many describe it as emptiness, detachment, exhaustion — tired of holding it all together. But beneath those words is often one central theme: loneliness."
This kind of loneliness is not just disconnection from others; it’s also due to the current demands and social expectations of being a successful or “boss lady.” It’s a disconnection from the self and a loss of meaning — something our current culture doesn’t always make space for.
Shifting Experiences with a Shifting Decade
In India, the 30s come with invisible timelines — marriage, motherhood, settling down. Whether you’re meeting them or not, the emotional weight can be immense. Careers are evolving, friendships are shifting, parents are ageing, and personal dreams often take a back seat.
A woman in her 30s in India is expected to have it all sorted. She should be settled — a stable job, married, maybe a child or two. Ideally, she juggles home, office, in-laws, friends, Instagram, skincare, and maybe her dreams. And if she hasn’t? Well, the pressure isn’t subtle.
Some deal with career confusion. Others battle marital stress. And many, silently, grieve the loss of freedom that came with “settling down.” There’s also identity dissonance — you feel disconnected from who you used to be and who you think you should’ve become by now.
According to Aarushi Kohli, over time, this disconnection can manifest not just as burnout or anxiety, but also as a profound loneliness: Who am I, really, if I’m always what everyone else needs me to be?
Loneliness isn’t a character flaw or a failure. It’s a biological and emotional signal — a call back to connection, to belonging, to authenticity. But many women carry shame about their loneliness. They think, “I should be grateful,” or “Other people have it worse.” This self-silencing only deepens the isolation.
My Final Thought
You may never forget the man you loved in your 20s. Some loves don’t fade — they just settle in your soul differently. And that’s okay. But don’t let loneliness convince you that you’re not meant for more.
Your heart is still open, your story is still unfolding, and love — the real, lasting kind — may still be on its way.
Until then, let life keep moving. One breath, one laugh, one brave day at a time.
