How long does it really take to move on from a relationship? A therapist answers

New Delhi:

Breakups are hard...but harder is this question: How long will it take for me to move on from this heartbreak? People often compare their healing journey with others or turn to social media for answers. In reality, moving on isn’t measured only in weeks or months, but in what the relationship meant, what it held emotionally, and what was left unresolved.

“Moving on is not just about losing a person,” says Dr Chandni Tugnait, MD (A.M), Psychotherapist, Life Alchemist, Coach and Healer, and Founder & Director of Gateway of Healing. “It’s about losing routines, roles, shared dreams, and often the version of yourself that existed inside that relationship.”

Why some people move on faster and others don’t

For some, the emotional bond begins to loosen within a few months. For others, it can take significantly longer, especially when the relationship involved emotional dependency, betrayal, unresolved conflict, or a future that was deeply imagined but never lived. “The brain doesn’t just grieve the person,” Dr Tugnait explains. “It grieves safety, familiarity, and identity. That’s why breakups can feel disorienting, you’re not only missing someone, you’re relearning who you are without them.”

This is also why comparisons rarely help. Two people can go through similar breakups and heal at very different speeds, depending on their attachment patterns, emotional history, and support systems.

The role of closure or the lack of it

What often delays healing isn’t love itself, but unfinished emotional business. “When endings are abrupt, confusing, or lack honesty, the mind keeps looping,” says Dr Tugnait. “It returns to the relationship not because you’re weak, but because the psyche is still trying to make sense of the loss.”

This mental replay can feel like being “stuck,” but it’s often a sign of unresolved grief rather than emotional failure.

What actually slows down moving on

Certain coping patterns, while understandable, can quietly prolong attachment:

• Suppressing emotions or pretending to be “fine”
• Rushing into a rebound relationship
• Staying constantly connected through social media
• Seeking answers from the person who caused the hurt

“These behaviours keep the nervous system activated,” Dr Tugnait notes. “They delay emotional closure, even when the relationship itself is over.”

What helps the healing process instead

Healing tends to move forward when people allow themselves to grieve, without judgment or urgency. “Creating emotional distance, reducing contact, and slowly rebuilding a sense of self outside the relationship helps the nervous system settle,” says Dr Tugnait. “That’s when the attachment begins to soften naturally.” This can look like rediscovering personal routines, reconnecting with friends, setting new boundaries, or simply learning to sit with loneliness without immediately trying to fix it.

So… how long does it usually take?

While there’s no universal rule, many people report feeling emotionally lighter between six months and a year, not because the relationship stops mattering, but because it stops dominating their inner world.

“Moving on doesn’t mean forgetting,” Dr Tugnait says. “It means remembering without pain, and choosing to live forward without needing the past to make sense first.” 

If you’re wondering why you haven’t “moved on” yet, the question may not be how long is this is taking, but what is still asking to be felt, understood, or released. Healing isn’t linear. It’s personal. And sometimes, moving on isn’t about letting go faster; it’s about letting yourself be human for as long as you need.

Also read: Rising divorces in India: What’s really changing in modern marriages according to a psychologist