I won't touch drink until next Ashes win, says Monty Panesar

London: Monty Panesar is acutely embarrassed by his new-found notoriety. His normally permanent smile has vanished. He has not touched a drop of alcohol in six weeks, and claims he will not have another drink until England can celebrate another Ashes series win next year in Australia.‘I just can't tell you how thrilled I am with the selection,' says the 31-year-old, in his first interview since his alcohol-fuelled antics made front-page news. ‘It's an incredible boost I needed as a cricketer and as a person, after a chapter in my life I'm ashamed of. The support I've had from everyone has been overwhelming and my only focus now is to repay them for their amazing faith in me.'Panesar's summer nosedived when he went out drinking with some Sussex team-mates on August 5, a night that ended when he was thrown out of Shoosh nightclub and the incidents with the bouncers.He was charged with drunk and disorderly behaviour, fined £90 and subsequently left Sussex CCC to finish the season on loan at Essex. ‘It was a bad night that went completely wrong,' says Panesar. ‘We had a few days off, went to a barbecue for a team analyst who was leaving and then carried on in some bars. I was with a few of my team- mates, Rory Hamilton-Brown, Chris Nash, Ben Brown, but none of this was their fault. ‘I know it looks terrible but I wasn't as drunk as people believe. Yes, I'd had a lot to drink, but I wasn't paralytic. I was asked to leave and then got caught short. The next thing I knew the bouncers were shouting at me and running after me. ‘I swear I didn't see them and I had no intention of purposefully urinating on them or near them. To be honest, I barely went at all and I'm pretty sure I didn't hit them but the next moment I'm thinking, “Oh my God, they're chasing me”, and I ran to the pizza place. That's where they caught me and a local decided to film it and put it on YouTube.' ‘The next morning I woke up and thought, “What have I done?” My first reaction was that I'd just thrown my England career away, maybe even my whole cricket career. I felt very lonely and very depressed. It was a very dark time.After the incident many theories began to fly and one ws about his divorce from his wife, Gursharan Rattan.‘We got divorced in 2011,' he says. ‘That's two years ago. To be honest I was shocked and surprised when I heard people were saying this was the reason. ‘Nobody thinks of divorce when they get married, of course, but it only lasted 12 months and didn't work for whatever reason. It's ridiculous that people have said I've been beating myself up ever since.'Life has not been smooth, however, even since the night of angry bouncers and pizza bar armlocks. On Friday, Panesar received a suspended one-match ban from the County Championship after accepting a misconduct charge from the ECB after he was found guilty of twice being involved in incidents where his actions were deemed ‘potentially threatening and intimidating to a member of the opposition', having kicked out in frustration in the direction of Worcestershire batsman Ross Whitely.‘I wouldn't say I was either threatening or intimidating but I will admit to becoming incredibly frustrated because I was having no luck at all, with inside edges and catches falling just short,' says Panesar. ‘I have to be aggressive when I bowl but it was a minor incident that I accept. The ECB and I have spoken about it and I must be mindful of my behaviour, but it's not seen as a problem by England. ‘At least it shows my passion is back, I suppose. I know there's a chance I might not get a Test match in Australia but I am determined to be eager, positive, supportive and ready if a chance comes my way. I'm hoping I can be involved in a fourth consecutive Ashes victory and I'm very confident I will be, even if it's as a squad member.'